Why Are My Maine Coon Mixes Bullying Their Mother? (Vet Answered)

  Hi Dawn,

Thank you so much for writing in.

It certainly sounds like you've got a frustrating situation on your hands and a fairly crowded house as well - even more cats than I have!

Firstly, I'm assuming all the cats have been spayed or neutered, and if that isn't the case, that's definitely the first thing we need to do.

When it comes to cats, once their kittens have grown and been weaned, it's usually the natural order of things that they go off and make their own lives, and sometimes, when those kittens don't leave the nest, it can create a little bit of friction. Often, it's the mother being quite tough on the offspring, but it may also start to emerge in the way that you're seeing it now.

Maine Coons and other large breeds of cat tend to mature later than other cats, so the fact that you're noticing these kinds of changes at the age of four isn't that unusual, because this is the age that these males are gonna be starting to feel like proper adults. A lot of what you're seeing is fairly natural in terms of a feline relationship, and probably one of the hardest pieces of advice that I'm gonna give you is to try to let them settle things in their own way.

Obviously, I don't want that to mean that their mother is being bullied, but if you do interrupt this conflict, it often doesn't fix it; it just delays the conflict resolution. So sometimes letting it come to a head, provided that it doesn't get dangerous or violent, is actually the best thing to do.

The other thing is that you may need to adjust to a bit of a different dynamic in your cat group now. Rather than try to get them to behave as they used to, it's up to you to sit back and observe to see how these different interactions play out. Although it's often tempting for us to pay special attention and give extra affection and fuss to the cat that's being bullied, this can actually lead to more friction by causing confusion within their new dynamic. So it is important to observe and see what they're trying to tell us.

There are a few things that you can do to try to make this transition more peaceful and less stressful.

• Make sure that there are lots of different litter boxes around, including at least one or two open-top litter boxes. Enclosed litter boxes are popular because obviously they keep a lot of the mess and smell inside, and it might seem like cats would appreciate the privacy, but it actually gives the other cats an opportunity to ambush the one in the box as they're coming out. An open-top litter box allows your cat to keep an eye on their surroundings whilst they're 'indisposed', and it takes away that opportunity for these bully boys to attack her when she's finished.

• Make sure that there are different spots up high, or little hidey holes where she can just take a break and get away from these boys.

• I know that you mentioned trying some diffusers, but there are a lot of different ones out there, so even if you've tried one, it could be worth trying another. Some are specifically designed for multi-cat households, some are based on pheromones, whereas others are based on more calming herbs. So even if you have tried one, I would suggest having a bit of a look and maybe trying a few more before we give up on that entirely.

The main message here is to make sure that she's got plenty of space that she can escape to, remove opportunities for ambush, and make sure you're respecting the new dynamic rather than trying to come up against it.

I really hope that helps.

Dr Karyn

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