Help! My Cat Won’t Let Me Touch Her! (Vet Answered)
This question has been answered by a vet
Veterinarian & Animal Behaviorist
With nearly two decades in veterinary medicine, Dr. Paola brings hands-on experience across multiple species. A graduate of the University of Guadalajara, she specializes in preventive care, animal welfare, and positive reinforcement training.
The Question
“Our cat Lucy was feral when she befriended us at around 6 months old. She is now almost a year old. We brought her into our lives, got her spayed, shots, etc. We have now made her our indoor cat. She loves being permanently indoors. She is slowly becoming more friendly each day. We interact with her several times a day, playing, talking, and letting her come to us. We want so badly to be able to pet her, but not yet. She comes around me and my husband, each time coming closer and closer, smelling, rolling on her back. Can you give us some advice on how to get her to let us touch her? We are letting everything be on her terms. Hubby and I are seniors and are enjoying the happiness Lucy has brought into our lives. We really enjoy reading your articles and they are very helpful, being we are new to having a cat. Many thanks,” – DiEtta
Quick Info about Lucy
Hi DiEtta
Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing Lucy’s beautiful story. It’s truly heartwarming to hear how she chose you and your husband, and how patiently and lovingly you’ve welcomed her into your home. Feral-born cats often need more time to feel fully secure, especially with touch, but it sounds like you’ve already created a safe and trusting environment where she can flourish. Rolling onto her back, approaching you, and sniffing are all signs that she’s beginning to feel more comfortable and connected with you.
To help her take the next step, keep building positive associations with your presence. Using treats she enjoys, try gently tossing one just a bit closer to you each day during calm, quiet moments. This technique works like laying down stepping stones, gradually inviting her to bridge the gap between curiosity and contact. A great progression from this is introducing long-lasting lick treats, such as lickable cat purées, offered on a spoon or a feeding wand. These not only engage her for longer periods but also help her associate calm closeness with something enjoyable. As she licks, you can remain still and gently talk to her, slowly working on increasing her comfort with your hands nearby. When she’s close, you can talk in a gentle tone and slowly offer your hand palm-down, fingers relaxed, and let her guide the interaction. Cats use scent glands in their cheeks, so if she rubs against your hand, that’s her way of saying, “I trust you.” If she ever hesitates or backs away, give her space and try again another day. You’re doing everything right by moving at her pace, and your consistency will help her confidence grow. Lucy is lucky to have found you both, and I have no doubt that the day she welcomes your touch is not far off. Continue to be patient and consistent!
– Dr. Paola